you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
