And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
