weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
