I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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