I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
