u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
