I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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