i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
