I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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