My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
