Yo dont text me then not text me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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