I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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