you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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