farters have to be the big spoon...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
