I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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