she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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