i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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