I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
