i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
