They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
