There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
