You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize