On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
