there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
