I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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