Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
