i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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