You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
handjob tips. give me some.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
