I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
