Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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