Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
