dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
