he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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