I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm too high and old for this...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
