There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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