threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
