Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
