I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
