I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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