Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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