I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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