Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
