i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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