But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
