sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I did not marry a roomba.
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