Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
