i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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