im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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