Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
time to smoke my breakfast
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
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I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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