I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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