Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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