went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
