Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize