go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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