waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
