I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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