I cockslap morals
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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