margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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