he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
