The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
