my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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