I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
