So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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