He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
