mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Boobs speak an international language.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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