I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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