i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
