I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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