A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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