Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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