I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
