I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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