If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
