I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
